Friday, December 19, 2003

Project For A New Puritan Century

An early draft of Resident AWOLer's 2004 State of the Union address is alleged to have contained an additional 16 or so words, according to saucy sources:

"To help children make right choices, they need good examples. Superbowl half-time entertainers play such an important role in our society, but, unfortunately, some in Lalaland are not setting much of an example. The use of sexuality in sporting events, film, pop music, network programming, news shows, and - pretty much - any other broadcasts is dangerous, and it sends the wrong message -- that there are shortcuts to celebrity, and that texture or size is more important than tactility. So tonight I call on Puritans and federal marshalls to take the lead, to send the right signal, to get tough, and to get rid of the slightest hint of sexuality now. Or the evildoers will have won!


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