Tuesday, January 13, 2004
Lethal Weapon Psalm 6
After impressing the world with his prodigious acting abilities in front of international audiences, Colin Powell has been tapped by officially official officials to share the lead with Mel Gibson in his next movie, "Lethal Weapon Psalm 6." Mr. Gibson will be returning as the one-man army Martin Riggs, the only LA cop registered as a lethal weapon and Holocaust denier.
The sexiest secretary was cast as Mr. Gibson's new partner, Tom Tio (Tio is Spanish for uncle), replacing the MIA Danny Glover, whose character, Roger Murtaugh, has - at last, mercifully - been allowed to retire. In what passes for real life, Mr. Glover was last seen at a New York City street corner quixotically attempting to hail a cab, and there are currently no leads on what kind of vehicle may have actually stopped to pick up the amply proportioned African-American actor.
Although Mr. Powell has never had any formal training, he has acted as a mostly obedient lapdog for the Military-Industrial Complex ever since he covered up for the My Lai massacre as a Major in 1968. Although he was assigned to investigate the matter of a letter written by a guilt-strickened, participating soldier, he left it to the journalist Seymour Hersh to root the truth out, and instead referred to the relationship between the American soldiers and Vietnamese people as "excellent" This is not Mr. Powell's first foray in the film world, as he is a credited co-writer of the first Bill and Ted adventure, which he also labeled "excellent."
During the filming, Mr. Powell will not be asked to leave his post as Secretary-of-State-in-name-only, anymore than he has already been asked since the day he accepted and assumed his humiliating position. The one-and-the-same officially official officials referred to earlier in this article suggested, alluded, then yelled in my ear that the forced acting gig had nothing to do with Mr. Powell's occasional slips and breaks from the neo-con script.
In the forthcoming Warner Brothers-Fox-PNAC co-production, Mad Max and Mad Dubya's Lackey will team-up to quadruple-handedly take on tactless teams of thugs and terrorists originating from Syria (but "suspiciously" possessing Saudi Arabian passports) who [it is written] have gathered, glommed, or gobbled up Saddam Hussein's personal stash of Weapons of Mass Destruction and bootlegged DVD collection. Also missing will be frequent Bush critic, Chris Rock, whose comic relief will be replaced with ball-less Dennis Miller's snarky and pretentious nonsensical blather.
According to a Papal smeared source, the Pope has already pre-approved the script, written by David Frum and Peggy Noonan, and declared, "It is as they say it was, so there."